Been a while...

Yes, it has been.

I apologise to all my lovely raving fans out there. *waves*


So, I planned to do nanowrimo, but then i decided that in the first week I should apply for a grant. But since that was due in a week, it was decided that I didn't have enough time to do it proberly, so I didn't. It was also rental house inspection week, so I had to clean the place lots. But by then it was a week into nano. Then it was decided that i should buy a house. I looked at properties/units for a week, then I got disillusioned, so I didn't. Then nano was two weeks into it, so there was no way i could catch up now. Then i decided to have a tupperware party. So I am having to clean house again, although having it 2 weeks from inspectiuon clean there isn't too much to be done. Well, actually, it has been 2 weeks.... And shop for ingredients for the nibblies, food, and cocktails, and I am going to bake cookies and fudge at the party too, so i have to bake and clean and organise. So i really am not doing nano. But since I didn't apply for grant or buy a house I probably could of, but then I wouldn't be able to devote my time to baking, and........ hmmm. Internet. I have been here all night. I only came on to see if I had any more rsvp's to my invite, and here i still am. Eating chocolate, getting fatter, and typing on here, just for all you, guys my raving funs *blows kiss*. Wasted bloody November.

I still haven't decided what I want to do with my life... or next year. I am not going travelling this christmas, I haven't bought a unit/house. I still get depressed. I hate socialising, hate christmas, getting very depressed about my birthday coming up.

Oh, but Pangur is well, although my honey dwarf gourami died. I have a lovely black ghostknife now, and 3 angels as well in the tank. I am glad they are all getting along ok with the others.
I should go and feed my fishies.

Light at the end.....

Well things are going ok atm, after a potentially bad start.

My boss bought me some vitamins and some fish oil becaase the omega 3 is supposed to help mood and brain function. They may or may not be helping.

My test results came back fine, no underlying thyroid issues, nor am I anaemic (i have no idea where i get my iron from, i don't eat red meat often).

It was decided that I would try an on-line programm of CBT by a university psych department, before trying meds or face to face sessions.

I haven't done too much of the programme as yet, and I am sporadic in my taking of the vitamins, but i have felt alot better lately. My functionality is not the best (but then again it never really was), but my mood has greatly improved. In fact i was bit worried about mania there for a while... But i have had a few unpleasant plunges as well, just to balance things out....
I still have my moments, and I don't think it will ever be plain sailing for me.

I have been trying to only take one day at a time, instead of trying to fix my whole life and my future.

Work has been better, I still hate going, but once I'm there it's ok. Some shit at work has settled which has lessened the stress I was getting.
I am however very spacey. My brain function isn't great. I forget what was saying mid sentence, and I can't spell nor think of the names of obvious things. 'Tis all quite cloudy in my brain.....*sniggers* And I enrolled in nanowrimo..... *rolls eyes*


I have finished the ceramic short course I was doing, last class earlier this week. I did enjoy getting back into it. I did some cool stuff, and I want to get back into it now. I would love to exhibit again. I have already got some ideas for bodies of work. I wonder how I will get it all done, and get access to kilns etc, but i can't let that worry me. I must revel in my current acheivements, and bathe in the compliments from others for a while....


The siamese fighting fish died.

Hetty, the baby black flying fox, is doing ok, though not really thriving. She hasn't been putting in very much weight, and is still quite immature in terms of social, behavioural development.

Well since I only just enrolled in nanowrimo, and am therefore quite behind, I really should get off this and start writing. I decided to jump in and enroll. I heard about it last year, but november is exam month, so I couldn't do it, but this year i am not studying atm, so...... no excuses really. It does now seem more daunting though. I have a house inspection next week, and I haven't cleaned in so long, plus working 40hours a week, cooking, cleaning, feeding the cat and the fish, reading, sleeping (so important), seeing friend who is moving o's soon, keeping sane.... Oh plus the U2 concert on tuesday! Keep forgetting that...... have to figure out how to get there...... then I'll be tired all week.

Oh well. we'll see how goes.....